Treemageddon: A Christmas Mishap
by Backup Zebo
Summary: "I told you this was a bad idea," Natasha said, shoving her hands into the pockets of her jacket and burying her chin in her scarf. Sharon shuffled uncomfortably on the top step up to her and Bobbi's shared house. Natasha, Sharon and Bobbi stared up at the at the looming fir tree set down the path. "It looked smaller on the website," Sharon said sheepishly. Rated T for language.


_**Treemageddon**_

* * *

" _Never worry about the size of your Christmas Tree; in the eyes of children they are all 30 feet tall…" – Larry Wilde._

* * *

 _2.15 PM_

"I told you this was a bad idea," Natasha said, shoving her hands into the pockets of her jacket and burying her chin in her scarf. Sharon shuffled uncomfortably on the top step up to her and Bobbi's shared house. Natasha, Sharon and Bobbi stared up at the looming fir tree set down the path.

"It looked smaller on the website," Sharon said sheepishly, shrugging her shoulders. Bobbi sighed and stepped down to ground level.

"It's not _that_ big," she remarked, wrapping the trunk in her fist. The tree was roughly a foot taller than her. Sharon eyes went wide.

"It's _gigantic_!" she exclaimed, racing down the steps.

"It's not much taller than me," Bobbi said in an attempt to diffuse the situation.  
" _Exactly_!" Sharon cried. Bobbi gritted her teeth as Sharon ran around the tree, inspecting it.

"I hate you," Bobbi informed an unresponsive Sharon. Natasha considered the tree before speaking.

"How're we even gonna get it inside?" she asked. Both Bobbi and Sharon froze.

"We could try through the front…" Sharon suggested. Bobbi and Natasha shared a look before shrugging.

"Alright…" Natasha sighed. Bobbi crouched at the bottom of the tree and Sharon stood at the other side, hands on the top of the tree. Natasha was ready to grab the middle. Bobbi took hold of the bottom of the trunk and tilted it toward Sharon, who held it as Bobbi lifted her end up. Natasha, being the shortest, ducked under the tree and cautiously let it rest on her shoulder, acutely aware of the sharp needles worryingly close to her eyes.

"Everyone got it?" Bobbi asked.

"Yeah!" The other two replied as Natasha shifted awkwardly under the tree.

"Alright, step on my count!" Bobbi ordered.

"Sir. Yes, Sir!" Natasha exclaimed. Sharon snorted, prompting Bobbie to shove the tree at her head.

"One. Two. Three!"

They moved forward awkwardly but managed to get to the second of four steps up to the house before things got difficult. The tree balanced precariously on Natasha's shoulder. Also, for some unknown reason, Sharon had decided to wear slip-on shoes and this impeded on their progression somewhat.

Sharon halted suddenly, causing Bobbi to get stabbed in the stomach by the tree's trunk.

"Oof!" Bobbi exclaimed. "What the hell are you doing?"

Sharon seemed to be reaching out with her left leg in what looked like some kind of demented ballet action. Sharon whipped her blonde locks over her shoulder.

"My shoe came off!" she explained.

"Your shoe came off?" Bobbie was incredulous.

"That's what I said, isn't it!" Sharon replied.

"Why the hell would you wear freaking slip-ons in winter, you dumbass?!"

"They're part of my Christmas chic, you uncultured swine!"

"Sharon, I swear to God!"

"Why don't you both get moving before I kick both your asses? I'm getting my eyes gouged out here!" Natasha yelled. Both blondes huffed and Bobbi hoisted the tree up higher and they manoeuvred up the steps. They paused for a breather just outside the front door of the shared terraced house and assessed the proportions of the tree to the threshold of the door.

"I don't think this is gonna go well…" Natasha stated.

"Never know 'til you try," Sharon replied. They assumed their former positions and attempted to fit the tree through the door.

Sharon and the top third of the tree made it into the house safely, but Natasha encountered more problems. Suddenly, as they twisted and turned, there came a loud _CRASH_. Bobbi sighed.

"That better not have been my clock," she warned. "What was it?"

"You got to promise not to get mad…" came Sharon's reply.

As they tried to move the tree inside, Natasha became squashed between the threshold and the tree.

"Guys…" she choked out. "I'd appreciate it if we could avoid crushing my ribcage."

There was a pause.

"Reverse!" Bobbi ordered.

After extricating themselves from the tree, the women sat on the steps into the house, picking needles out of their hair and clothes and discussing the next course of action. Suddenly, Sharon had an idea. Theirs was the second to last house in the row and the last house had a side gate into its back garden.

"We could ask Mr. Lieber to use his back garden, and then call for reinforcements to toss the tree over the fence," Sharon suggested. Bobbi and Natasha considered this for a few seconds before agreeing.

"I'll call for back-up, you guys ask Mr. Lieber," Natasha said, already dialling a number in her phone. Bobbi and Sharon brushed any remaining needles off of their clothes and went to knock on Mr. Lieber's door. They could hear Natasha on the phone, instructing Steve Rogers to bring Sam Wilson and a ladder with him.

Mr. Lieber was a 90 year old veteran who the three women adored. He was shorter than Natasha bore a slight resemblance to the man from the Disney _UP_. Bobbi rang the doorbell and Sharon knocked. The door opened after a few minutes.

"Ah, hello there! Miss Morse, Miss Carter, to what do I owe the pleasure?!" Mr. Lieber asked. The girls smiled at the man.

"Hi there, Mr. Lieber! How are you?" Sharon greeted. "We've been having problems getting our Christmas tree inside. Would it be alright if we could use your side gate and then toss the tree over the fence?"

Mr. Lieber chuckled. "I was wondering what that racket was. I thought it was just you looking for your shoes again, Miss Carter. Of course you can use my garden! Just be mindful of my flowerbeds!"

They thanked their elder neighbour who also allowed them to use his wagon to move the tree around to the gate.

Meanwhile, Natasha was lugging a ladder into the garden. She returned inside the house to find most of her contacts list waiting on the steps to the front door. Steve, Sam, Clint, Maria and Bucky were all sitting down while Wanda, Thor, Tony and Rhodey stood on the kerb, all wrapped up in scarves and jackets to escape the cold.

"Pietro is on the way," Wanda announced. Natasha stared at the crowd.

"Good to know. Steve, glad to see you brought…everyone…" she said. Steve stood and brushed off the dust from his jeans and grabbed the ladder from where it had been resting against the banister that separated the girls' house from Mr. Lieber's.

"Well, I called Sam and he was working at the bar with his phone on speaker and the others were there too. Except Thor, Tony, Rhodey and Wanda. Clint called them."

Natasha raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Clint defended himself. "I thought Steve said that the tree fell on one of you…"

Natasha and the other chuckled. Being honest, it was very possible all of the people on the door step would be needed.

Just after Clint had finished, Bobbi arrived around the corner, dragging Sharon who was sitting in the wagon.

"Wow," Bobbi said upon seeing their closest friends outside. She recovered quickly.

"Well, we're all set up on Mr. Lieber's side. Let's do this."

* * *

 _4.35 PM_

"I said higher on your left, Clint!"

"That is my left!"

"Your other left!"

Natasha was struggling to direct Clint from different sides of the fence and from how it sounded so was everyone else. Maria and Tony were arguing over the best way to hold the tree to push it up. Steve and Clint were on ladders on Mr. Lieber's side while Thor and Sam were on ladders opposite them. Tony and Rhodey were standing on boxes to hold the tree's middle as Steve and Clint held either end.

Bobbi and Pietro (having arrived a half-hour earlier) stood between Thor and Sam and were primed to hold the tree if it ever arrived to their side.

Maria and Bucky were sitting atop the fence and were (in theory) going to help with the transition of the tree.

Sharon was supervising while Natasha attempted to direct the proceedings.

Wanda was safe inside the house, making tea and setting out food with Bobbie, Sharon and Natasha's other neighbour Jamie, who had come over because of the noise and to make sure nobody was being attacked. Wanda had set up the stereo playing Christmas music outside partly to try to calm tensions and partly to drown out the noise. It was beginning to snow.

Somehow, the tree had made it up to Maria and Bucky.

"Sweet mother of teenage Jesus!" Bucky exclaimed as he took hold of the tree. "This thing weighs a tonne!"

"Just shut up and pull," Maria barked, red faced with the cold and effort. Unfortunately, Bucky twisted awkwardly on the fence. This resulted in a string of curses as Bucky tumbled into the snow covered grass holding his groin in pain, narrowly missing Thor. However, his foot caught Pietro in the head, sending him down. The tree was too heavy for Maria alone and it slid from her grasp. She was dragged down with the tree and fell on top of Sam. They crashed to the ground in a heap on top of the already sizeable pile-up.

Even Thor struggled to hold the tree alone but Bobbi was on hand to grab the bottom of the trunk. Together, they set it down safely. Wanda and Jamie the Neighbour rushed outside as they witnessed the carnage.

Clint was leaning over the six-foot fence when his foot slipped on the ladder, toppling him over the side and onto the heap. Steve catapulted himself over, landing gracefully on his feet. He pulled Clint to his feet, only for Barton to double over.

"I think I broke my ass," he informed the group helpfully.

"And I think I broke my balls," Bucky announced from the bottom of the pile.

"Okay, getting up now," Maria said, scrambling to her feet.

She reached out and helped Sam up as he grasped her hands.

"This gives ' _Rocking around the Christmas Tree'_ a whole new meaning," Wilson declared. In turn, he gave Pietro a hand up, leaving Bucky breathing heavily on the floor. Wanda ran up to her twin brother.

"Are you alright?" she asked frantically. Pietro nodded but his eye was caught by the new addition of Jamie the Neighbour. He waved away Wanda's inquiries as he introduced himself.

"Hi," he greeted. "Pietro."

She smiled as she shook his hand. "Jamie."

Jamie made a gesture toward her forehead. "You've got a little something."

Pietro frowned as he brought his fingers to his forehead and saw blood on his fingertips. Jamie handed him tissues with butterflies on them.

"These may ruin my street cred," he joked.

"So would explaining how exactly you cut your head," she replied.

Meanwhile, Bucky was regaining his composure.

"I think I'm okay," he said. Steve and Natasha grabbed him under the arms and pulled him up. He upright for a few seconds.

"Never mind," he said, doubling over and breathing heavily.

Clint chuckled and Maria smirked.

"Not like you can say much, Barton. You fucked up standing on a ladder," Maria said. Clint turned to her.

"At least I didn't go completely arse-over-tit," he shot back, smiling slyly. Natasha chuckled.

"That's not how I remember it," she chimed. Clint scowled and brushed snow off his clothes. Natasha bounced up to Steve, socking him on the shoulder.

"Nice job, Rogers," she said. Steve jumped but recovered and threw on arm around her shoulders.  
"Thanks, Nat. Team effort," he said. Natasha chuckled.

"We got a good captain," she stated. Steve looked flattered.

"Aw, thank you."

Natasha considered him, eyebrow raised. "I was talking about myself."

Steve laughed, eyes crinkled.

"Hey, where's Sharon?" Bobbi asked, looking around.

Suddenly, the double doors to the garden swung open and Sharon, wearing a Santa hat and using a red sheet as a cape, strode through.

"JUST CALL ME SAMBUCCA CLAUS, 'CAUSE I COME BEARING ALCOHOL!"

Sharon held two bottles of unknown alcohol in her fists. A cheer went up from the group as Tony and Rhodey hopped over the fence to join in after returning Mr. Lieber's ladder and wagon.

"Bring that devil tree inside and let's drunk decorate!" Sharon ordered. The group agreed and Thor and Steve carried the tree inside to the kitchen as the others followed.

* * *

 _7.35 PM_

"Is it socially acceptable to tape the star to the tree top?" Natasha asked from her perch atop Steve's shoulders. Tony answered her by tossing the tape into her hands.

"It is now, Red. Make it happen," he said. Tony wore a Santa with a tinsel scarf and was wearing Sharon's cape. Clint what looked like a Hawaiian shirt with sleighs on it and someone had given him a hat with a Santa beard built in.

Sharon had broken out the alcohol and the eggnog was flowing in full force. Wanda had brought the stereo with Christmas music back inside and Bobbi had invited more people. Of course, Mr. Lieber was the first to be invited round and through Sharon's doggedness, had accepted the invitation.

As Natasha was carefully extricated from Steve's shoulders, she noticed Sharon talking with Sam, Maria and T'Challa- one of Bobbi's co-workers who had no family in New York for the holidays. Sharon seemed extremely happy in the presence of her handsome new friend. Natasha also spotted Clint chatting with a girl called Laura, who was also a friend of Natasha, Bobbi and Sharon. Natasha also noticed that Clint was extremely smitten with Laura, and from what Nat could tell, the feeling was mutual. Laura hadn't even noticed the wrapping paper stuck to Clint's hair. Thor had invited Darcy and Jane, and Bucky was currently reciting his tale of woe from earlier in the day. Darcy was crying with laughter.

"So, what d'you think?" Steve's voice pulled her from her reverie. Natasha swung her head around.

"Huh?" she asked. Steve smiled fondly as he gestured at the room.

"The tree?" Natasha asked to clarify. Steve shrugged as he held his beer bottle.

"The tree. The room. Everything," he stated. Natasha smiled.  
"Good. Great. Yeah," she said, nodding. Steve looked at her.

"What's going on?" he asked, stooping down to look into her green eyes.

"I don't know. I just…don't know…" Natasha replied.

Steve put a hand on her shoulder. "No, you're not. I get it. It's like there's something missing. Something that's not quite there…"

Natasha and Steve seemed to be trapped in the other's gaze. Slowly, he leaned down as Natasha rose to her tiptoes. Their lips met and they kissed in front of the tree. Suddenly, a cheer went up from the crowd, led by Tony and Sharon. Nat and Steve sprang apart; Steve felt the heat rising in his cheeks. However, something distracted Tony.

"Guys… It's been snowing since afternoon. We can build a _freaking snowman_!" he yelled. Tony raced outside, cape billowing behind him; Sharon followed dragging T'Challa by the hand. Sam ran outside with his hand in Maria's. Pietro grabbed Jamie the Neighbour and Wanda, who brought the portable stereo still blaring Christmas music. Clint, Laura, Bobbi and Rhodey followed while Darcy raced Bucky, Thor and Jane outside. Natasha and Steve joined the mass production of the snowman.

Clint stepped off the patio and onto the grass, however the water that had gathered in the cracks in the patio pavement froze, causing Clint to slip and go head over heels for the second time that day. Laura doubled over laughing after she helped him back up. Clint felt himself blush with embarrassment. He knelt down and began making part of the body. Laura felt guilty and knelt beside him.

"Try doing it this way," she offered, taking his hands and guiding him. Clint watched as the snowflakes gathered in her long brown hair and eyelashes.

"You're really pretty," he blurted. Laura snapped her head around to look at him, smiling shyly.

"I mean, I know I've fallen over a lot today and I'm most likely concussed- well, yesterday I walked into my bedroom door so, that probably still counts…" Clint trailed off as Laura giggled and kissed his cheek.

* * *

 _9.35 PM_

After what was definitely too long outside in the snow with minimal layers on, the masterpiece snowman was finally completed. Sharon found an old top hat and was pleasantly surprised when T'Challa lifted her up to slap the hat on the six-foot snowman's head. He also donated his own scarf to the cause.

"I would not like our new friend to be cold tonight," he said through his charming accent as he gently handed his scarf to Sharon.

"No," she replied quietly. "Of course not." Sharon handed Natasha and Bobbi the scarf to wrap around Snowy the Snowman. She shivered and immediately felt the warm fabric of T'Challa's jacket around her. Sharon smiled gratefully at her new friend, who's gentle, warm smile seemed to disarm her.

After a carrot had been stuck in Snowy's face, people grew tired and the alcohol's warming effects were beginning to wear off. However, the group was not about to let go of a Holiday tradition.

"C'mon, Clint. _Pleeeeeaaaassseeee_ ," pestered Natasha.

"Yeah, Barton, just one song!" Maria exclaimed. They all pestered and persuaded Clint until he agreed to sing. Everyone gathered in a circle, shifting from foot to foot and warming their hands. Clint cleared his throat.

" _Christmas night, another fight  
Tears we cried a flood  
Got all kinds of poison in  
Poison in my blood…"_

A hush fell over them as Clint sang.

" _I took my feet  
To Oxford Street  
Trying to right a wrong  
Just walk away  
Those windows say  
But I can't believe she's gone_

 _When you're still waiting for the snow to fall  
Doesn't really feel like Christmas at all…"_

Clint smiled as he held out his hand to gather some snowflakes.

" _Up above candles on air flicker  
Oh they flicker and they float  
But I'm up here holding on  
To all those chandeliers of hope…"  
_

Clint jokingly pretended to stumble for the next lines, prompting laughter.

" _Like some drunken Elvis singing  
I go singing out of tune  
Saying how I always loved you darling  
And I always will…"_

Sam and Thor threw their arms around Clint and the circle became a chain.

" _Oh when you're still waiting for the snow to fall  
Doesn't really feel like Christmas at all_

 _Still waiting for the snow to fall  
It doesn't really feel like Christmas at all…"_

As the chain was completed, the others joined in.

" _Those Christmas lights  
Light up the street  
Down where the sea and city meet  
May all your troubles soon be gone  
Oh Christmas lights keep shining on_

 _Those Christmas lights  
Light up the street  
Maybe they'll bring her back to me  
Then all my troubles will be gone  
Oh Christmas lights keep shining on_

 _Oh Christmas lights  
Light up the street  
Light up the fireworks in me  
May all your troubles soon be gone  
Those Christmas lights keep shining on."_

* * *

 _ **Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays.**_

 **Song used:** _ **Christmas Lights –**_ **Coldplay.**


End file.
